I think, it’s been ages since I last wrote to you guys (even I know I have less view here compared to Twitter) haha and sometime I think I cannot delivered what I wish to deliver here since less audience. The reason why I don’t write that much is not because I am busy – far from busy – however I lost passion in writing, but I guess starting wordpress actually a commitment, so I might just continue writing in it.
It’s been quite a journey for my housemanship, and it’s already been 1 year and half, 4 months more to complete 2 years of journey since my first day on March 2020. And quite surprising how I can survive these whole years remembering that back in my medical school I almost gave up both – my career and my passion. I already said to myself “given 3 years max to complete the training, I should not shed a tears if I ever get extended or not be able to finish on time given these 3 years max” then pop .. already completed my 5th journey Alhamdulillah still on track.
Let’s start the day with some good and positive things:
This my cat, after ‘lari rumah’ this morning. Haiyoo la this boy, this PKP la want to go out, #stayathome la you got Royal Canin tauuu.
So, back to the story. Currently, I’m 30 minutes away from ‘berbuka puasa’ so I’d like to write some entry about how devastated I was last week. The pressure last week was … walaweyh on top of Mount Fiji. I’ve had enough of last week.
Ok, so I just finished my second on call, just got back from hospital at 10am today. This is my first time ye on night at ward, before this at PAC, and that day was uneventful, thank God. For those who are unfamiliar with the system, let me roughly brief you guys (so to take you down the road of despair way better yee):
Basically, in my department, we have four shifts. And our leader will decide the schedule for us, and we can have one off day in a week. Sometime kita tak tahu pun our offday, just follow the flow je and we can request specific off day provided it is granted and there’s enough person working in a ward for that day laa. so below I attach my department punya working shifts.
Let’s start the day with something positive and cute … shall we? These are my boy and my girls. All healthy. Putih had some problems with her left lung laa, just started her on Antibiotic. Let see after a week. Pray for her speedy recovery okay.
So, I started the job with government on 16 Mac laa, we went to PTM at Ipoh, Perak. And due to COVID19 issues, and RMO which just started at that time, everything is chop chop fast and furious betul. PTM and orientation day everything shortened to just 2-3 days, while it should take a week to complete usually.
Alhamdulillah for the past decade. A wonderful ten years journey. To make a specific calculation, ten years ago I was a young 14 years-old girl, dreaming to be a scientist; by the end of 2019, I was a 24 years old girl – 6 months after graduating medical school. Alhamdulillah for everything.
Also for the past decade, with the opportunity I had, I was able to travel and visit many places, tidak sebanyak rakan yang lain, but it was enough that I was given opportunity. This wasn’t possible if it wasn’t for the fact that I studied in Jordan, and getting my monthly allowance from my government. Even it was half scholarship, it still helped a lot.Read More »
For years I’ve been living with, if it can be measured I’ll say, not even 50%-ish confidence level. It has been that low for almost all my life. Of course it has its own ups but most of the time, it’s at below average level.
And for over years I’ve challenged myself to find love within myself. No one can love me more than I love myself, but I failed at several attempts. I deleted my social medias, shut down myself for over a year and a half. I went to the gym, tried to overcome the fear of self-image by changing it; under the clause:trying to be healthy – so I won’t feel bad about hating myself. And, when I did succeed, what to say – I was at the comfortable stages, the plateau phase of self-improvement. I am comfortable with myself, that I started to go lenient with dear self.
I went to a pharmacy today, and while I sat down waiting for my turns, there were these two old men, assumedly in their 60’s perhaps, sitting next to each other. And I was behind them. They chatted like it’s been a long time since their last meeting. Their excitement and all was nothing but an amusement for me.