It’s 2.40 a.m, the clock is ticking, demanding me to go to sleep. I have sleep deprivation for the past few days; being the night owl, preparing for the finals. My exams are technically four days away, and I am here talking to you guys about the dream I dreamed this evening. Suddenly it pops into my mind, and feel like I should share it here. Plus, I run out of ideas to update my blog here.
I dreamed having chronic vascular insufficiency that turned both my legs blue instantly. I could clearly see my legs turned dark blue, in my dream! What a nightmare! But the bluish discoloration disappeared when I gently massaged my legs-aided the circulation and perfusion of my legs. Well, I guess the reason I am having this dream is because someone said to me before, that I have poor perfusion of the legs, ’cause I complained about having legs cramps so often. He said to me that I lack exercise. (then I start to jog)
Let’s continue with the story.
I remember feeling my legs turned numb each time I used them to walk, in the dream. Yes, I read an article before – you can have all five senses, the same feeling as you walk in the street in your non-dreaming world, except for pain. I find it creepy and unbelievable at first but it’s true. I experienced them couple of times and still got the goosebumps whenever I feel someone’s touching my neck in my dream.
I do not remember all the details in my dream but there were few doctors taking a look at my legs. They were discussing and I couldn’t hear anything, but I knew they were discussing about my legs’ condition. Don’t ask me where these doctors came from, I swear I don’t have the answer.
And one of them was a female doctor. Quite strangely, I felt a strong connection with her, like I knew her for quite sometime. There must be something here in my memory box that somehow leads me to this familiar projection in my dream, but I could not recall any of it. I know someone would say that it should be black and white when you are dreaming, but I can tell her hair should be dark brown, long, braided hair and not a regular Asian black hair (cause I am Asian, so I guess this may affect how my dream would turn out). And I can go on with the details like, the hair should not be completely dark brown, it was somehow half-blonde (I can say more like a Caucasian hair type) . The skin is fair, flawless (as I cannot see a single spot on her face), curly eyelashes and big eyes. Her eyes were black. I don’t remember seeing any blue in them. If you ask me how do I know, well what I can tell you is ‘I don’t know what I know, I just feel convinced and sure of myself’.
Well, isn’t strange? To be so sure of things that you clearly do not know? I do not know what rules I use to say those things. I never met any Caucasian female before, just seeing a couple of photos in the Internet but actually I never truly know the regular hair type of those people I mentioned. It just pops out! However, it’s my dream and I can believe in what I want to believe. It’s my dream and no one can tell what I shouldn’t believe.
So, moving on!
These doctors were talking about me. They didn’t say anything, all I could hear was ‘critical’ and I had this big feeling that my legs were gonna be amputated, if I used them recklessly. What?! How do I walk? The female doctor suggested me not to use them – my legs, too much or I could get it worse and amputated. Shockingly, they don’t give me a solution to my ‘critical’ legs but they gave me a supportive treatment to relieve my symptom, numbness. They gave special stockings that people used to help regulate circulations so there would be better perfusion of my legs.
Well I hoped this would help my legs’ cells met their oxygen demands and prevent from ischemia or even necrosis! As long as I don’t any infections on my legs, they won’t turn to wet gangrene and they won’t be amputated. creepy!
In my dream, even though I had this alarming feeling that my legs were done and I was having a critical condition with no solution, I still had this ease feeling as everyone was caring for me. Maybe because my deepest ‘unethical’ desire is to be the center of attention after all. I cannot ask for it in my non-dreaming world because nobody like an attention seeker and I will be left with no friend. That’s my judgement. So I create the situation in my dreaming world, where nobody don’t give a damn about it or at least, I will make them.
I read about Freud’s theory on dreams, he said that our dreams are projections of our deepest desires, mostly the unforgivable, unreachable desires. Some of them are the symbolic of somethings. I cannot find the perfect terms to describe. In his era, he talked mostly about sexual desires which are unattainable in the non-dreaming world. And he symbolized something and referred them to sexual desires. For example, he said anything long, cylindrical look can be referred as penis.
His theory and reasoning don’t quite hold water with my case- the sexual desires. But I agree with him; dreams hold our greatest desires which we cannot tell the world, mostly because we are afraid, or we don’t have the chance or it cannot be accepted. Somewhere inside our brain exists the dire need to make them possible, so we project them as dreams. Because dreams are visual, we can hear, taste, touch as we normally do on the outside world, so these desires seem attainable.
What about me? What do I desire the most that made me project this dream?
I aspire to be like the female doctor in my dream. Somehow, I was convinced that the female doctor was me, in the future. Well, I hold the desire to own the Caucasian looks, fair skin, some freckles won’t be a problem, long, smooth and dark-brown hair. Half-blonde. Braided? Cause I don’t know how to do them by myself but I always have a thing with braided hair. Not necessarily Caucasian, but yeah the one everybody will call “effortless beauty”.
I aspire to be a doctor like her. The compassion, her professional look she gave out when treating me were one I desire the most. I aspire to be like her. Nope. I shall surpass the girl my dream. I am going to be better than her. After all, she is my perfect, dream projection of my own self one day. So, I will make it attainable in the future.
Dreams are beautiful isn’t it? We do have hidden stories, but telling them will hurt ourselves. So we create these boxes of stories in our brain that shall open when we sleep –off things, off the worlds, away from any judgement out there.
Have you read about nightmare theory? If you not, then I suggest you to find an article about this. I can relate to this theory and reason my nightmare. I believe we all have fears that project into nightmares. That’s another stories. I have bunch of nightmares with the same elements keep repeating themselves. That’s fear. They don’t go away!
We are all dreamers. Reason them. You will realize what our dreams are telling us. Share yours. Left a link down in the comment section. I will pay a visit.