I am ashamed of myself that I lose it! Can’t find it again.

I will put this up here: I am looking for a very old book, I forgot the author’s name but the book is called Cinderella Pantai Timur. If anyone has any idea where to find it, please leave a comment.

I owe you guys (and myself) one more post and this should be the third one, of January. It is part of my 2019 resolutions;- to write more, to publish at least three posts in a month. I am off to a good start. And I need to keep this pace for another 11 months. Which is pretty challenging, because it’s going to be busier by this mid year.

Yesterday, I found an activity book which I bought at Typo Australia two years ago and that book is called ‘Do You Ever Ask Yourself What If?’.

What is interesting about this book is, it has total of 180 pages with 120 ready-made ‘What If’s questions that need answer. This was made initially to inspire creativity but along the course of two years I only managed to answer only 7 out of 120 questions. And that is unbelievable! I mean, creaaativityyyy, hellloooo, are you there???!! 

The questions are sort of like –

“What if … you were stuck on a desert island? What three things would you take?” OR –

“What if … you were abducted by an alien? Would you tell anyone? Why?” 

These questions, it was fun at first. They makes you think, open up the boundaries of imaginations, you can answer like a five-year-old KID, and I know you still have that child inside of you don’t fight me. Or-

you want to think like an adult, and let maturity answers these questions – but where’s the fun?

If you picture MIND as an ocean, you look up to the open ocean you can see no boundaries, you can sail as far as you want and there exist many possibilities; you can hit a hugeee wave, or you’ll find an island and explore it. You can be hit by a storm at night or it can be crystal clear sky you can name all the stars you see! You can sail to the north, south, east, west or even to the end of the globe!

Remember what Imagine Dragons has to say – You are the master of your sea!

Now – Imagine MY MIND– it’s a lake. Still, and stiff. You can see the land on the other side. There’s not much you can do in a lake. Lake is still fascinating of course; mother nature won’t let you disrespect her kids like that. Go inside my mind, you won’t find any creativity left. You will find a lot of fear, insecurities, too much rules, and too much drugs name, anatomy, all the name of bacterial and viruses– that I can assure.

I’m still working on it. There’s a lot to repair. But hey, that is life.

Recently I SUCCEEDED to answer another question – ‘What if you could bring out one character from a book? Who would it be?’

And this question had me taken aback. This should be an easy question if you ask me five years ago. I will have a definite answer, no I will have A LONG LIST OF NAMES cause there’s too many. But fast forward to today, it took me a while to think of ONE answer.

I am ashamed of myself of course!

because if there is a question asking about my hobby, I’ll proudly write reading books. If I truly enjoy reading books I can name any character easily, like a finger snap! I guess I should put ‘a book collector’ instead of reading books. SMH.

Before, I can finish 300-400 pages of fiction’s books in one day. Now, I hardly even finish a book in ONE YEAR. How terrible is that? I don’t know what happened to all my passion about books and writings. Where did they go?

I remember one time when I was a kid, my first non-school-book book was ‘Siri Detektif Salma’. This is my first thick kinda book I ever read at that time, and my first crime fiction books. Then I started upgrading my book to Detektif Indigo by Faisal Tehrani. I am sure everyone know and had read his books Detektif Indigo before. I missed one of Detektif Indigo sequels, I can’t find the book anywhere. At that time, library was my second home. Back then, I couldn’t afford buying new books. So library was a great DEAL.

What is your first book?

I was a frequent visitor, I had my name as the ‘borrower’ almost  on every books on every shelves (fictions of course) there. My mom would take me there on every weekend. When we were financially stabled, my dad would buy me at least one book a month, I remember going to Hasani quite frequent. Then I started to read Karangkraf Alaf 21 books; before Jemari Seni, before Hlovate. 

Alaf 21 had great authors with amazing story lines, words and sentences used were perfect. And I’m sure they still have! And of course I have my favorite authors to brag, I love Aisya Sofea, Aina Emir, Nia Azalea, Damya Hana, Fauziah Ashari, and my most fave – Sharifah Abu Salem. Most of their books have been made into movies and Tv series like Adam Hawa, Ombak Rindu, and Tak Seindah Mimpi.

Then I got into high school, when I was thirteen and new to high school,  I wasn’t good socially, I had hard times making new friends. So during break or if there was any period the teachers did not come in, I’ll read the novels I borrowed from the outside (not the school library because such novels were not allowed hehe), and yeah I became the supplier of novels to my friends. And since then, they started to read novels and they had a lot more than me.

Over time, I upgraded my novels to English novels. I was good at Bahasa Melayu subject, I could pull of any stories given to me, I was runner-up in one writing camp and I used the same stories in one online competition; and still I was runner up. But my English suck. So I started changing my taste to English novels, with an easy one: Enid Blyton and Mr. Midnight series. I loooooveee Mr. Midnight, that was my jam!

That was how I improved my English, but still a long way to master it. Now, I prefer English books more than Malay books. Maybe because, the quality of today’s novels have gone down below my expectations. However, no one can say no to Ramli Awang Murshid! He’s the best!

Today, I add manga to my readings materials. Manga is fun. Another way of telling a story. And of course, movies are also one way to tell a story. But in the movies, there are time restrictions. They cannot include everything to introduce a character, while in a book you can use two pages to describe one situation and place, or two paragraphs to introduce a new character. And I find that amazing!

But back to the topic, where did all my passion go to? If I am to make excuses, I’ll blame medical school. They took out 90% of my energy (multi-factorial of course and one of them is language) that 10% left I want to spend resting my mind and doing something fun. And by ‘resting my mind’ I mean SLEEPING and sleeping is fun!

I reaally need to get back on the track. I have three books left in my possession now that need attention. But sure, I have to read about Frank Starling Law for the tenth time, of course. I need to memorize the creatinine range so that I know whether your kidney is functioning well or is killing you? *rolling eyes*

I do hope all my books I bought receive their attentions as they should have.

Have you ever lose a passion? Suddenly the things you are most proud of are  no longer your trophy?

p/s: my answer to what if question above is – Mr. Shark, from Lazuardi. Read Nasz book and you will like it!

p/s: what’s more sad than you expect going home to YOUR books only to find your mother donated most of them to the library. I mean my Ramli Awang Murshid’s books, Hlovate’s. But it’s okay, I’ll buy them all over again.

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